Off-Limit Topics (or what NOT to do at a networking group)
on Wednesday, March 30, 2011This morning I attended a networking group as a guest of a client. In the general networking time prior to the meeting one of the members started talking about politics and said some rather negative things about one of our current politicians. Strange. Even though I didn’t completely disagree with this guy, I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable and a little bit offended. After a few sentences I said, “you know, I came here today to talk about business. I’d rather not discuss politics.” He kept up the jabs, so I wandered off to fill up my coffee cup. It was a very awkward moment and I’ve been wondering why ever since.
I think there are three basic reasons why I felt uncomfortable.
1. I didn’t know the political bent of the other people in the small group. I wasn’t sure whether I should agree or disagree with this gentleman, so I tried to steer the conversation back to business.
2. The guy doing the political digs didn’t know me. While I didn’t inherently get offended at his remarks, I wondered what it would be like if I was someone with a different political view. Would I have felt welcome there? Did others in the group share his opinions?
3. It even made me wonder about the person who invited me. . . did she share his views? Did she share my views? Does it matter?
What do you think? Did I do the right thing in walking away? What would you have done? Would this situation have made you feel uncomfortable? Would you go back?
What topics do you think should NOT be brought up in networking situations? We would love to hear your comments!
------------------Sean Harry
http://www.DrSeanHarry.com
Sean,
I completely agree that politics should NOT be part of a networking conversation …or religious beliefs or any negative personal opinions. That would be my list. As far as the guy that you were confronted with this morning…I probably wouldn’t of said any thing and simply walked away as well. But, what he really needed was someone to inform him of the possible business opportunities he is missing out due to his choice of conversation. As far as the person you went with…If you enjoy the person and what SHE represents…then I wouldn’t allow this guy to cloud your perception of her or anyone else…or the event in general. Some people just don’t get it!
Sean, great hot topic!
I agree on so many points. Sensitivity, grace, and honor allows others to share their beliefs without judgement. You illustrated this so well.
Selling at first introduction, discussing politics & religion in a business setting OR having the conversation be all about you is offensive. Every time.
When people tell me their networking groups are NOT very productive. It’s easy to see why.
Thanks, Kim, for your insight too!
Kim, so true! Some people just don’t get it…but YOU do!
Perfectly said Sean. I don’t really think it’s important that everyone share the same opinion of politics, I certainly think that everyone should have enough RESPECT that there are different opinions and honor those differing opinions by keeping your mouth shut if it is negative or just plain controversial as MOST politics are. Good point Sean. Thanks for illustrating ‘tact’!
Sean,
I probably would have gone and got coffee too – then met his competitor! Your host was not at fault except for perhaps not leaving to get coffee with you.
I think people who bring up the sensitive topics in a business setting may not have good boundaries, or have hidden agendas. Not knowing the motives is also what makes you uncomfortable. Sticking to the business at hand until you know the participants much better is the highest road, IMHO. If someone doesn’t take the social hints you tried, then the only way to stop the conversation may be to walk away.
Sean,
I agree with you about this being a topic that does not fit into a networking meeting and one I also try to move the conversation away from if at all possible. I know many people in my networking groups that have very different views than mine and I still value them as friends and business partners. In my experience the people who insist on pushing a political agenda tend to be poorly informed on the subject they argue and seem to want to bully people into adopting their positions. For that reason I don’t start political arguments at meetings but I also do not back down from them or allow incorrect facts to be pushed on others. In a case like the one you describe I would probably engage strongly to change the conversation and would not be afraid to back up what I say with facts. A political bully is most likely angry and afraid due to propaganda or a poor news source. By standing up to a networking bully, then stating the conversation is off track and offering to talk after the meeting, I can get most meetings moving in the proper direction.
Sean, walking away was the best and most gracious way to handle this. Whatever the topic, if you were uncomfortable, you were right to disengage. My hope would be that you would share your discomfort with your host, who, as a member of the networking group, could decide if anything should be done to remind the members of the purpose of the group. I used to think that I should “educate” people when they behaved badly, but now I just move on.
Religion and politics are conversational non-starters, or inflamers as the case may be. Some people love to stir things up right away. You did the right thing by 1) giving the person an out; and 2) walking away. Good job!
Sean, I would have to write a blog to cover all of the times I’ve been turned off by people who break unwritten rules during networking. An example: I see a man who worked in my building a few years ago and ask how business is going. After more than 5 minutes of telling me how about his awful personal life and his wife divorcing him, he adds – business is great. You know I have empathy – but I would never refer someone to this guy (maybe a counselor). I felt so uncomfortable. I had met him only once before.
When I see this happening, it says to me the person might have low emotional intelligence. Self regulation is missing here. We all get upset at things, if you are feeling fired up, on edge, or generally off your A game, you shouldn’t put yourself in situations like this until you cool off, or learn to sharpen your self awareness. If somebody upsets me at something like this, I try to leave the situation so as not to get sucked in, so you did the right thing I think. If others were visibly uncomfortable or upset, I don’t think it would be out of line to bring the incident up to him later in private.